Blame: The World in Black and White
When you blame, you see the world in “all or nothing” terms, and thus you see the other person as all bad. You have heard the expression: “Love is blind.” What does that mean? It means when you are in love, you see only the good points in the other person. You overlook the faults. Well, anger is equally as blind.
Blame’s only conclusion is that my life is your fault.
When you feel upset with someone, you see only the bad points. And if you feel upset enough, you will see nothing good in that person at all. Put simply, when you like someone, you tend to focus on that person’s good points, and when you do not like someone, you tend to focus on the bad characteristics. Your best friend can become your worst enemy simply by what you choose to focus on. In fact, many times that is exactly what happens. And here is the paradox: your worst enemy is someone else’s best friend. Go figure!
The truth is that we are all a mixture of good and bad. This world will always have some bad, of course, but if you allow that unpleasant fact to paralyze you, then you will spend the rest of your life immobilised, unable to deal with painful situations.
Don’t waste your energy trying to understand why the other person did what he or she did. It is far better to share with the other person how his or her actions affected you. Explain in concise language what you expect and how that contrasts with what occurred. If the person cares about you, he or she will either correct the hurtful actions, or through mutual dialogue, you will come up with an alternative approach that will work for both of you. If the other person does not care about you, he or she will have no interest in correcting hurtful actions to meet your needs.